thank you :)

leibster-blog-award

I am hiding.

That was the opening line of one of the most recent blog posts I started. I was in a whimsical, carefree mood but I knew he truth of those three words went far beyond what I meant at the time.

The truth is, I have been hiding. Sure, there is the valid business of being the mom of three boys. Of having my husband gone more this last semester. Of having my commitments stack on top of one another in a way I hadn’t anticipated.

But then there is the more real reason.

I’ve been avoiding a truth. I have a block. A writing block.

I know what it is. My voice is a signature issue in my life. There are emotions involved. Old patterns. A voice other than my own that likes to sneak into my head and make me question all of who I think I am. And shake me.

But with the new year and a new laptop I have received just enough encouragement to help me make a go of it anyway. Push through. Keep trying.

And I’m starting by tying up loose ends from last year. I went through Harley (old faithful laptop) and transferred all of my unfinished blog posts to Charlie (new hopeful laptop….and she’s pink). And top of the list is to address the thank you I was avoiding at the end of last year.

I don’t know why I find it so hard to receive a compliment. Maybe it’s because I am usually the compliment giver. So much so that in high school and college I coached most of my friends on how to graciously receive a compliment.

I suppose I got tired of that interesting moment when someone receives a compliment and doesn’t know how to respond. The awkward silence. The down-play. The self-deprecating come back.

So when I sense the other person is flattered, grateful, and awkwardly at a loss of what to say or do in return, I come back with my usual in an attempt to put the other person back at ease.

It’s okay…just smile and say thank you.”

Apparently I should have been listening to myself.

But today, in honor of facing that which I have been avoiding, I say thank you to hiddinsight.

The writer of this blog nominated me for a Leibster award. I have not entirely figured out these blogging awards, but they seem to be given by other bloggers to honor one another and connect us to each other.

I cannot tell you hiddinsight‘s name. All I know is that she is an incredibly honest soul who writes about the process of her marriage recovering from an affair she had. She is brave and beautiful. I highly encourage you to check out her blog. I am honored to be honored by her.

Thank you, hiddinsight. 🙂

Tune in again tomorrow to read my answers to hiddinsight’s 11 questions to her award nominees.

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contentment, desire, goal, & fun

The color is pink. And I am dying about it.

Of course my husband is happy about the fact that it has an Asus motherboard, “Because they have been making reliable motherboards for years now.” Doesn’t everyone know that?

And he is happy because he is the one who was thorough enough to actually spot the deal. And even though it wasn’t free, he is The King of Free and if there is a deal to be had, he will find it.

We went to Best Buy today with a very excited 12 year old. My son had a good chunk of money saved and announced that he was going to get himself a Chromebook.

Proud boy with his new toy...

Proud boy with his new toy…

While we were there my husband’s plan was for us to check out the other things we might have an interest in. You know, gather information. He is always planning for the future.

I wasn’t expecting anything. I had resigned myself that it would take us months, but eventually we would save for the Surface I so desperately want. And until then I would remain thankful that my friend gave me Harley. Even though he has been showing increased signs of old age, he is still chugging along. I can easily remain thankful for him.

So I was in to content-mode. Then my eagle-eye husband told me he might have found something. As usual when he starts talking techie, I took a while to figure out what he was saying. He is super smart about the insides of computers. And he knows all the lingo. I get a little glassy-eyed but I also get a little impressed. Maybe a lot. And maybe a little turned on too.

I started asking about the finances, convinced I would tell him its okay, I don’t really need this right now, I can wait. But then Jered the Best Buy guy looked at the box and told us the laptop in question was pink. And it was they only one they had left for that price.

I died.

I tried to stay very level headed about the whole thing, keep my cool and err on the side of caution, but my insides were telling me this was a sign from God. This laptop was made for me.

Her name is Charlie.

Her name is Charlie.

My sweet husband. He loves me. The laptop is theoretically a family laptop, but let’s remember, it’s pink. We all know what that means.

So I have a new goal for 2013. Truthfully it has been a desire for a while but with the turn of the new year I get to call it a goal and approach it more intentionally. And the purchase of a new hot pink laptop makes it all the more fun and attainable.

Write. More.

How about you?