gone tomorrow, hair today

I am having an out of body experience. I walk by the shop and a reflection in the window catches my breath.

Who is that girl? The girl with the edgy haircut. She couldn’t possibly be me! I don’t have the guts to get a cut like that. I am not that kind of girl.

I am a color inside the lines kind of girl. A rule follower. A let’s-not-make-waves kind of girl.

The kind of girl who gets that kind of haircut is a girl who is confident. She is comfortable with herself. She gives herself permission to risk.

My sister does it. My friend Linsay does it. My friend Amy who I went to high school with can totally pull it off.

But not me.

If I had that haircut I would feel horridly self-conscious. It would show all over my body. That’s why I don’t get haircuts like that. I stay safe. Attempting to stay current without going too far.

Feeling that uncomfortable all day would not be worth it to me. Especially if it lasted as long as until my hair grows out.

But in another instant, I realize that girl is me. And I like my hair. And it doesn’t even feel gutsy to have it like this. I just like it.

So who climbed into my body when I wasn’t looking?

Some people might not think this cut is all that out there. I understand. It’s not a Mohawk, much to my husband’s relief.

But my hairdresser knows I don’t do short. I may think there are so many cute things you can do with short cuts and I may be a fan of almost all of them. But get too short and I start to panic.

When I was growing up, my hair was short. Like very short. And I got a lot of comments about being “such a cute little boy”. And I might have been scarred for life. Just a little bit.

But clearly I have healed. I didn’t even freak out when I washed my hair the next morning and found out it was all gone.

I must be getting more comfortable with myself. I must not be taking life so seriously. I must be more at ease around risk. Who knew?

And that’s how it happens. Growth and change happens so slowly and seems so small that sometimes we question whether or not it is there. But then something that might have been a big deal in the past…..isn’t. And sometimes, when something is no big deal, that’s a big deal.