i wanna be a dancing fool

How does he pierce his soul right through his body like that?

There will be no picture with this post. Even if I could catch this on camera, I would never make public such a private and sacred moment of one of my children.

Every once in a while I can catch a glimpse of my son dancing when he thinks no one is watching. This child has more soul in his pinky toe than most people house in their entire being. I am in awe when I catch these moments.

Clearly he is a safe person for himself. I marvel at the beauty of such a thing.

He has some serious moves. I mean it. I LOVE to watch him get his groove on. But I don’t know if he really has rhythm or if I simply see him through the lovesick eyes of a mother.

What I do know is that he is engaging his entire self – body and soul – with the music. He is expressing himself in a way that is beautiful and fun to him, and in that moment nothing else matters.

And that is exactly the way I want to live my life.

But the last few years, I have found it difficult to locate the rhythm of the music playing in my life. There was some “stuff” that came up two years ago requiring intense therapy, and while the rhythm of my life was the same as it had been, I was entirely different, so syncing up was a problem.

Then this last year when I had finally stabilized, the rhythm of my life completely turned upside down. New schools, pre-adolescence, and all the topsy turvy that goes along with learning to navigate a new stage in the life of our family.

And just now, when I think I might be getting a handle on things, my youngest drops his nap. Naptime has been a beloved part of my life for almost 12 years.

Truly, this new shift frees us up to have much more fun and flexibility as a family. But it’s new and different and I haven’t quite figured out the rhythm of the last five transitions we went through so how could I possibly figure this one out?

Can you call something a “new normal” if everything changes again before the actual sense of normalcy kicks in? And the question burning inside of me is……when will I write?

I don’t know. All I know is that life seems to be changing songs on me quicker than I can find the rhythm of any of them.

But then I remember my son when he dances. And I remember that the most beautiful part of dancing is when someone lets go and engages all they have in the dance whether they have rhythm or not. 

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8 thoughts on “i wanna be a dancing fool

  1. free penny press says:

    Life is a symphony .. strap in and embrace the notes (all we can do 🙂

  2. It’s funny because your opening line addressed exactly the question in my mind while I was waiting for the page to load…anticipation of which son is your dancer. The fun I had imagining each getting their groove on was delightful-each with their own personalities! Love them!
    And then, the analogy to life-what a beautifully eloquent analogy. It has me wishing not only could I dance to music, but appreciating the times I do feel “in sync” with the music of my circumstances.
    Best of all, I love the last line that reminds us of the beauty of engaging with all you have! As a recovering multi-tasker, I can appreciate the truth of this and worthiness of the goal! 🙂
    Keep dancing!

  3. Kristal says:

    I’m proud to say, I have seen this dance. =)

  4. Simon Marsh says:

    And I remember that the most beautiful part of dancing is when someone lets go and engages all they have in the dance whether they have rhythm or not …

    … so that “kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven”

    Sometimes you can dance on your feet, and sometimes it’s your fingers that do the dancing – on a keyboard. Thank you.

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