practice is hard

I have a confession. There are things I say as a parent that come out of my mouth much easier than they sink down into my heart.

“All anyone can ask is that you do your best.” Every parent has said it, right? But when it comes to living it out myself, occasionally I want to scream at that sentiment. Because sometimes my best is not good enough.

I mentioned recently about practicing life. Which was very lovely at the time, but what I failed to mention is that when I am giving my best at practicing something I suck at and I don’t see myself improving to the degree that I think my best should be improving me, I feel incredibly discouraged.

And overwhelmed.

It’s exhausting.

Truly.

And these are the kinds of times when that nice little sentiment about doing my best just doesn’t cut it. Don’t get me wrong; I realize the reality and truth. All I can do is my best.

But my best is not always enough for the task at hand or the opinions of those around me. And before I know it, my best is not good enough for me, either. And that is a much bigger problem.

Because what I think of me affects me much more than what other people think of me. My nasty little perfectionism tries to take over my brain and push me down so that I forget my value and worth as a human being.

And this is when, for me, it comes down to sheer perseverance. Can I ride out the storm happening inside of me long enough to see the sun shine again? Even though my best isn’t enough right now, can I keep going because I know it is all I can ask of myself?

Can I offer myself the same grace I offer my kids when I tell them all they can do is their best?

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “practice is hard

  1. I hear you. This is a constant struggle in my life, not just in terms of “doing my best” but in everything about myself. I constantly want to shake some of my friends and tell them “You’re amazing! You’re perfect! Why can’t you see that?” But I’ve never, ever been able to do that for myself. We are so hard on ourselves, and unfairly so, for the most part.

    I hope you can give yourself the grace and trust in yourself that you so greatly deserve. You’re amazing! You’re perfect! And I adore you, just as you are (which is nothing short of wonderful).<3

  2. Amen! Yesterday, I was being very short-tempered with the boys and BOTH were stunned each time…which I suppose I should take as encouragement that my best is enough for them most of the time. But it wasn’t yesterday, and in those instances, it’s easier to focus on the one (at hand-probably many if I get on a roll) instance of my best not being enough than the MANY times it was…
    But since today is the first day of spring, I hope the sun is shining on your soul!

  3. And still your kids and other people still love you from what I can understand reading your blog.

    Perfect love!

  4. I loved this post. Keep pushing through. Our internal thoughts are never positive, are they? Offering ourselves grace is one of the hardest things to do sometimes. But we deserve it!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s