monster

I know

I am a monster to you

That is the only way you

can hope to understand my

choices

And I know

the monster you think I am

is hurting you

and I am

so

sad

for your hurting

I think you would like me to explain

I would be happy to

I think it could help you hurt less

But you can’t hear me

when your fingers are in your ears

You cling to control

in hope of getting love

just like me

But I am learning a new way now

FREEDOM

And this new way doesn’t shout

or force

But waits

and hopes

for the day when you take your fingers out of your ears

yourself

You can have your way

that’s okay with me

you just can’t

have me

too

I know your hurting

started long before me

and I wish

there was something I could do to

salve your wounds

make you whole

I long

for the day

when I see you in Heaven

and you don’t hurt anymore

I see you there

in my mind’s eye

and I rejoice

I know that what you think

can’t hurt me

or change who I truly am

so until then –

when you are whole

and the hurting has stopped –

I have to let you think

I am a monster

It is compassion

relinquish

love

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10 thoughts on “monster

  1. oh, it’s beautiful. I love the flow in and out of the layout of the words…kind of like the mix of emotions. Just brings me tears…very deep, and I love the picture of hope in heaven when you both are no longer hurting.

    • itsakoolife says:

      Thanks, Karen. Great to hear your response. Was wondering what you would think.

      • and while I don’t think the fact that it’s poetry is any more scary than the vulnerability you showed, the other thought that occurred to me is that the visual of it is also like breathing in and out just the way life continues, we take one breath after another…put one foot in front of the other.

  2. you are so beautiful, my friend! thank you for your vulnerability. xo

  3. Kristal Johnson says:

    LOVE THIS!

  4. […] I wrote the one poem I have published on this blog, I felt terribly out of my element. Poetry is outside the box and […]

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