the face

What do I say to a face like this? These puppy dog eyes, red and splotchy from tears with hot cocoa stains around the mouth for finishing touches. The fact that he is about the most adorable child God ever created works in his favor almost all of the time.

My former self would have known just what to do when face to face with this forlorn little boy. I would have forced the older brother who wanted to play by himself to play with this child. We must sacrifice everything – including our very selves – in honor of being nice. I don’t care if you want a moment alone. Can’t you see this face?

But I am not my former self anymore, even though parts of her tug on my heartstrings from time to time. So while it kills me to look at this deliciously pathetic face, as a mom of three I also respect that everyone needs time alone now and then.

I had been listening and after quite some time playing nicely with someone less than half his age, the older brother had requested said time alone respectfully. And I haven’t heard a lot of respectfully around here lately. The three-year-old stormed off to his room where he proceeded to weep bitterly with angry sobs.

I followed him in and scooped my snuggliest child into my arms. He was offering his love and adoration for his older brother in the form of intense desire to be together, doing what his world revolves around, playing. And he was rejected. And it hurt.

And I have to admit, I was a little at a loss of what to do. It is fair to need some alone time. It is also fair to be hurt when someone doesn’t want to play with you, even when they are not being mean about it. How can I help my children understand boundaries, respect, and love? There was no simple answer here, so I sat holding my youngest son and felt the tension of the situation for a while.

Sometimes people’s boundaries are not what we would like them to be, but that does not give us the right to make their choices for them. Even when we are the mom. And it’s hard.

I was encouraged that after some snuggles for one and some time alone for the other, the boys figured out for themselves how to play together again. At least for about another five minutes. Then I got to see this face again.

What situations have you faced lately that don’t have clear cut solutions?

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3 thoughts on “the face

  1. clpollock says:

    I remember those days! It took me forever to learn that just staying calm myself and holding out my arms for hugs (with no talk, no deliberating, just presence) was enough. It’s hard because we always want to ‘fix’ things. Enjoying your blog!

    • itsakoolife says:

      Thank you!!! I visited your blog and love just the few posts I read! Thank you for your words here. So true.

      • OK, so I had to go check out the blog of clpollock and was absolutely DYING to respond (but it seems there’s no place, so here I go)!! GREAT post!! With Rebecca Koo as my sister I don’t have anything to share quite like that, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the reciprocal post to share about me…thankfully, (for me) she hasn’t yet. 😉 LOL Great fun!!

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