nothing else was on……i swear!

I saw myself in her. Truth is, I saw all of humanity in her. Tears streaming down her face in classic Bachelor style, she was a picture of brokenness.

“What did I do wrong?” rejected Nikki asked bachelor Ben Flajnick on the secluded Puerto Rican beach. Isn’t that what they all ask the cameras during their tearful exit interviews when they fail to receive the coveted rose? Is that what I would ask?

I am a little embarrassed to admit I watch this show from time to time. Every few seasons I will catch more episodes than I miss. I confess, mostly that has to do with if I can find anything more entertaining to watch at the slated time.

Mostly I don’t like the show because it puts all of the worst of the female nature on display for the world to shake their heads at. But last night I was struck by the words of this girl and how they revealed a piece of me.

In asking what she did wrong, she is revealing a belief that somehow love can be earned. That if she just did something different, then she would have received her payment in Ben’s love.

I know that on The Bachelor we are talking about romantic love…..being “in love”. But I think the concept applies no matter what kind of love we talk about. Not long ago I became painfully aware that I held this same belief.

I was moving through life trying to earn love. It seems natural in a way. Most everything in this world has to be earned, why not love? And to be honest, (because we live on this planet with a bunch of humans) much of the time we do have to earn love. But when we earn it, is it still considered love?

It would be nice if I could earn love because then I could have some control over the whole thing. And I like control. But love is a gift. And inherent in the concept is the lack of ability to earn it.

So I am left wondering what this girl’s interview would have sounded like if she didn’t believe that love could be earned. And I wonder what my life would look like if I understood the same thing.

5 thoughts on “nothing else was on……i swear!

  1. Kim says:

    Rebecca. I cringed when I heard her say those words. It wasn’t anything she did. There just wasnt chemistry. He has fallen for someone else. But it was so sad to hear her say, “What did I do wrong?” She and Jennifer said the exact same thing. So while you are more eloquent to express what I was feeling as well, you said it perfectly. We should not ever feel we need to earn love. That is what GRACE and MERCY are all about. We DONT deserve God’ love but He gives it freely! And paid for it too…We DONT get what we do deserve or what we earned… HELL. So thank you for seeing that poor girls heart and all her dreams unfulfilled even thought she sadly said she has done everything she has set out to do. Thanks for sharing your insights and wisdom. Kim

  2. Diane says:

    I agree with your point about what the show displays as the nature of women. Probably why I don’t watch it. I’m over on The Hallmark Channel watching sweet movies with predictable endings were everyone ends up in love, married and happily living in a small town. I must have an entirely different set of issues to work through…

  3. Too funny! (about nothing else being on…I swear) Just yesterday, I “caught” 2 ladies admitting they like to indulge in this show-when I share this, they will be delighted to see such important truths can be gleaned and pontificated upon! It is a truth that God has been working on in me this year, especially…but is ongoing! Thanks for sharing!

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